Title: Great Big House
Author: Doc  angelz_blondie@hotmail.come
Dedication: To Sara-Lee...you always write the best poems girly, so this one's for you...ENJOY!!! Love ya lots!!!!
Timeline: S6 after Buffy comes back
AN: I felt angsty...and poem-y...here's what came out  **grins**
Feedback: ANDIAMO!!! I think that's how you spell it....it means HURRY UP in Italian...sorry, I started a new job @ an Italian food restaurant and they scream it all the time...hehehe...maybe you've heard of them...Johnny Carinos? THEY RULE...newhoo, on w/ the..ahem...poem

I stand outside this great big house
And remember what once was
Love and laughter, jokes and fun
I wonder whats happened to it all

So long ago it seems to me
That I possessed the will to live
I've died just twice, but the second time
Heaven was given to me

It took a while for me to know
That in this world I do not belong
But then again, they need me here
That's why they brought me back, after all

At first I tried, and did my best
To be who they wanted me to be
That fun-loving girl I had once been
But, now, that's just not me

I wish I could be everything they ask
But for me its just too hard
I think of what I lost up there
And now, its just too hard

I watch them now as they laugh and joke
And I think how much they'll miss me
But I don't have a choice in this
It's they way things are suppose to be

I take one last look at their rosey cheeks
And pray a silent prayer,
"Please God keep them safe"
And I turn and walk away

I wish he could be with me now
For I am very scared
You'd think after that last time
The height wouldn't be such a scare

I take a breathe and tiny step
And peer over the edge
And I realize now this is meant to be
In this world, I don't belong

I take a breath and another step
This one slightly bigger
I think of them and smile a little
And wonder what is to come

Willow is the smartie pants, I always knew she'd be
Xander is the gentlemen, I never thought he'd be
Dawnie is my greatest joy, and that I'm sure she knows
Tara is my confidant, about Spike, who else knows?
Spike is rough and brought me pleasure, though that was short lived
Anya is just the girl I knew, Xander would end up with
Giles is like a father, to us one and all
And then my mind settles on, the one I'll miss most of all

For Angel, there are no words
To describe his beauty and grace
His mind is like a vast library
Of knowledge I could never hope to grasp

His chocolate eyes or pools I drown in
Each and every time we meet
His big strong arms that wrap around me
I wish he could hold me now

I look out now, over the horizon
And picture his gorgeous face
And think of all my friends and wonder
"What has become of me"

Once I was, just a girl
Lollipops and pompoms
Now I fight, nearly every night
The things I only dreamed of

I have learned much, and lost more
And this is how it ends?
With me alone on some dreary cliff
Where does the madness stop?

I take a breath, and another step
Only this time, I back away
For this is where the madness ends
With me. Here. Today.

I head back to my great big house
To watch my friends some more
I think of all the things I have
Happiness, Hope, and Love, galore

I will try, from now on
To find who I once was
I'll do it not by simple sex
But by being with those I love

For you see, its not me
Who determines who I am
It's the love I'm given, the people I protect
That help me realize each day, that me alone
I can do nothing, I must have help...
That's the only way to once again
Be Me