Title: Lock and Key

Author: Doc  angelz_blondie@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, only the plot which my crazy brain came up w/ on its own

Timeline: S6 As You Were

Spoilers: As You Were

Synopsis: Buffys POV as she thinks about the aftermath of Rileys visit

Feedback: I crave it like a decent season of Buffy/Angel

Its quiet now. I think he's finally gone. When I first saw him, I knew his being back was only going to cause trouble. Everything has changed. I'm not the same person I use to be, and still, I fell back into the same routine with him. I don't know why I just didn't tell him to turn around, walk out of Sunnydale, and never look back. I think it's because I needed an excuse to stay away from Spike. I thought him being back would make me stop thinking about the pleasure that I revel in every night at the mercy of Spike's hands. I knew when I saw him walk through the door of the Magic Box I was going to have to make a decision. After all, no one can have their cake and eat it too. Having him back in my life meant that some normalcy returned, and it felt good to have someone fighting at my side that wasnt thinking about throwing me up against a headstone and screwing my brains out. But, then again, I didn't want him to come back. As long as he was off fighting in the jungle, I didnt have to accept that I never loved him and he didnt have to hear me say it. It's quiet now. The yelling and harsh words have stopped. When he found me with Spike, I thought the next time I saw the peroxide vamp hed be sitting in an ashtray. I told him that it meant nothing and that Spike and me were just friends. Of course Spike being, well, Spike, had to go and open his big mouth. He asked why if we were just friends were we shagging every night? I can honestly say, that I had no answer. That just fueled Riley's anger, and of course there was the whole testosterone party that I had seen the last time this had happened, only this time it was Spike instead of Angel. I told them to stop yelling and to let me think. Of course thats when Riley went all gun happy and shocked Spike with his taser-thingy. That lead me and him to blows, and after an hour or two of yelling and screaming, here I sit, in the darkest corner of my bedroom, trying to figure out what Im suppose to be doing. Do I really want normalcy over darkness? Riley is the anchor that ties me to the normal life I dream of having. On the other hand, Spike brings out things in me that only one other person in my life ever has. The easiest way to choose would be to pick who I love right? Wrong. I dont love either of them. Its hard to explain, so I wont. As I look at my dark surroundings, I see the sleeve of a jacket hanging out of my closet. I leave my quiet corner and go to investigate. I yank on the sleeve and the rest of the coat tumbles out. As I pull it to my nose, I can still barely smell the soap and incense. I can't believe that it still holds his smell so many years after he gave it to me. His smell and the simple memory are the spark I need to make my decision. As I get up and wipe the teary mascara tracks from my face, I have new resolve. I grab my jacket and my keys, and realize that I never had to choose. I leave a note for Dawn and Willow, and leave the house quietly. I know now that there was never any decision to make. My heart made the decision 6 long years ago, when I knocked a certain vampire off his feet, so to speak. I stop by Spike's on my way out of town, and I'm relieved when hes not at his crypt. I know that Riley's pulling out of town day after tomorrow, and Im going to make sure Im not around between now and then. They can kill each other for all I care, for I know that no matter how hard they try, they'll never win my heart. Its under lock and key, and the one who holds the key is about to get a visit.